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old way new wayThe sexual revolution reached a tipping point in 2014 and 2015. It happened suddenly after a long time waitin’. After 30 years of people risking reputation, livelihood, and life and limb by actively and at great risk, coming out of the closet about their sexuality. Suddenly LBGT rights and gay marriage and love between people of all kinds became legitimate, recognized as a right and confirmed by even a conservative Supreme Court. The shocking sudden change in acceptability, no one could have predicted—certainly not from the history of injustice and prejudice against gay people that preceded the turnaround. For lifetimes on end, if you desired or liked or wanted sex with members of your own sex you were supposed to pretend that you didn’t and never tell anyone. Then, all of a sudden, that went away and it didn’t matter so much anymore. What happened? How did it happen? Suddenly everyone’s opinion about what other people can do and had a right to do sexually, changed. Or as Malcolm Gladwell said in his wonderful book “The Tipping Point,” something “tipped.”

In 1959 when I was 19 years old and went to my first civil rights rally in Austin Texas and helped start the theater stand-in movement and restaurant sit-in movement, none of us knew what to do to bring about changes in the ridiculous segregated social order. We all dreamed of and demanded desegregation after so many hundreds of years of racial injustice…and we got arrested and bombed and shot at and beat up and some of us got killed…but we had no idea that within 5 years there would be a civil rights act to legally end segregation. The justifiability of segregation according to race was ended and the right of all humans to be treated the same as all other humans was established by law and consensus among us. And the way we have been living with each other since then has changed. Really. A lot more of us got to know each other than we would have with the older arrangements.

pot-smokingI’ve been smoking marijuana and growing it and buying it and selling it and giving it away for 54 years, illegally. The last I bought from a state liscensed store in Denver. Inside of a few more years the whole United States will be pretty much as tipsy as Colorado. The DEA is coming down. The bullshit war on drugs is coming to an end.

O.K. that’s enough. If you want more there are many other examples of tipping points in Malcolm Gladwell’s book. If you want more than that, just stay alive another five years. What seems to make things tip is information that contradicts erroneous beliefs that comes from people you trust who are honest with you.

The Tipping Point of All Tipping Points

I think we and our allies in honesty all over the world are escalating the speed with which things tip.

Either hold on to or let go of your seat. I’m not sure which…or when…you should hold on or let go. A storm at sea is coming. I think we have the chance to join the storm and eventually calm the waves with honesty.

It’s kind of scary though.

Could it suddenly become acceptable to come out of the closet about things even more scary than our sexual proclivities?

What if there is developing a kind of meta tipping point of tipping points?

What happens when we all admit we are all fucking nazi’s in our minds?

What about love of people it is taboo to love (You can’t love her, she’s married!). What about our pettiness, anger, embarrassment, pretentiousness, judgmental condemnation of others (and our selves as well), and our arrogant demands to control the actions and behaviors of others?

What about coming out of a whole bunch of closets at once!? (What are crowds of loveable assholes to do?)

Will there be a tipping point on how much control of others is protected, demanded or permitted or even considered necessary?  (We don’t need the armies, police forces, the legal system that is completely antiquated and corrupt. When all of us knowing that tips, they all must be exposed and taken apart and put aside and a smaller, less expensive and better system created.)

How about lying? Is there a tipping point for stopping pretending that you are not pretending, when you are…or admitting it and taking it back when you do?

Is there a tipping point for honesty in relationships?

Is there a tipping point for world wide radical honesty?

Yes. There is. It is coming. Get ready for it!

When this “bigger room for personal honesty in the world” tips, the worldwide fascist system of law and order cannot survive. Neither can the worldwide economic order. It will suddenly collapse and be replaced by government by friends who trust and depend on each other.

A world organized around honest sharing instead of money?? What? Am I crazy?

People of the traditional paranoid mindset based on “us versus them” cannot survive this either. The “us” I am referring to in that last paranoid statement are those of us who are honest about our lying and the “them” are all the regular assholes who lie about their lying, i.e. normal folks who maintain their status by maintaining the status quo. How do we become allies with these enemies?

What happens when something tips is that both of the opposing crowds change their minds! All of a sudden, people on both “sides” start listening to each other and speaking honestly about what used to be taboo. What used to be in fashion becomes old fashioned overnight! Enemies become friends. Everyone becomes more interested in what is really going on than in maintaining their position of being right.

cracks in the foundationMy friend Charles Eisenstein calls such things “cracks in the foundation of normalcy,” a phrase I just love. Here is and excerpt from his most recent post:

“I was pleased to see HuffPo feature this NYT magazine article on the criminal (in)justice system. It describes the effects of the bail system that forces indigent defendants to plead guilty to trumped-up charges or rot in jail for weeks or months (or years) because they cannot make bail. One man was arrested as he walked out of a store with a soda and straw — the straw was considered “drug paraphernalia.” He spent weeks in jail, where he was severely beaten. A woman left the homeless shelter to buy diapers for her baby, whom she left in the care of a friend. She was arrested for recklessly endangering her child; six months later she still hasn’t regained custody.

“As the statistics in the article demonstrate, such stories are not exceptional (especially for black people). Nor are they a new phenomenon. What is new in my lifetime though is that finally this sort of injustice is emerging into mass consciousness, no longer invisible to the majority of middle-class white people.

“Relatedly, the upsurge of outrage at the police killings of unarmed black men (and at police brutality in general) reveals another crack in the foundation of normalcy. Police brutality is nothing new; what is new is that it is becoming harder to hide — literally, due to ubiquitous video cameras and social media, and figuratively, because of the disintegration of the racial, political, and class narratives that cloaked it.

“It is tempting to blame the situation on racist cops, callous judges, or opportunistic politicians. Certainly such people exist, but blaming them is a trap, a deflection of anger onto a convenient but superficial target. The article gives us a glimpse instead of a monstrous machinery of injustice: an industrialized, inhuman, nearly paralyzed legal system and courtroom culture, embedded in an equally paralyzed political system, itself beholden to deep cultural myths about human nature, criminality, and punishment. At bottom, I believe, we are seeing the crisis and imminent collapse of the ideology of Control, which in its failing days goes to new and absurd extremes in response to its own failures.

“Fortunately, it isn’t necessary to understand the deep causes of the horrid injustice that is becoming increasingly plain to see. The understanding will come with time. What is necessary now is to awaken the “no”. That will power reforms (one good one the article mentions is to eliminate the cash bail system entirely) that will ultimately prove insufficient as our tolerance for injustice wears thinner and thinner. Our industrial system of punishment and mass incarceration is fundamentally incompatible with the dignity of each human being. Our consciousness is evolving to the point where that is no longer tolerable. (italics mine…Brad)

While it may seem as though indignity — not to mention horrid injustice — is reaching all-time highs, we might also see their heightened visibility as the beginning of a major shift. Someday, maybe sooner than we have any reason to think, we will live in a world where no one is dehumanized and everyone is treated as a full being. Is anything less tolerable to you?”

What Charles refers to is a personal evolution in which many people coming out of the closet about their real experience in life, that leads to the social revolution. It goes by a lot of names. Around here we call it Radical Honesty. It is the ultimate breakthrough that all the former and later breakthroughs will either live or die from.

The systemic injustice of the well-named Criminal Justice System is just a case in point. The rule of kings was replaced by the rule of prejudicial legalistic mindfuck. We simply have to become more unruly. And when the revolution tips we will undo and replace the old with a new and revised mindfuck, short lived, and reviseable again soon.

I trust comedians. They are willing to be embarrassed and embarrassing and call us out of our closets. They make fun of what used to be serious. Andy B here is funny and wise and full of good tips.

“Sanders Shamelessly Pandering to Voters Who Want to Hear Truth

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

13 August 15

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, “The Borowitz Report.”

Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is gaining legions of new admirers by shamelessly pandering to voters who want to hear the truth, critics of the Vermont senator say.

According to those critics, Sanders has cynically targeted so-called “truth-based voters” to build support for his Presidential bid.

“People come to Sanders’s rallies expecting to hear the truth, and he serves it up to them on a silver platter,” the political strategist Harland Dorrinson said. “It’s a very calculated gimmick.”

But while Sanders’s practice of relentlessly telling the truth might play well in states that are rich in truth-based voters, like the early primary states of Iowa and New Hampshire, critics say that his campaign could stall in states where the truth has historically been less important, like Florida.

“At some point in this campaign, voters are going to get truth fatigue,” Dorrinson said. “Right now, the novelty of a politician who doesn’t constantly spew lies is grabbing headlines. But after months of Bernie Sanders telling the truth, voters are going to start wondering, Is that all he’s got?”

Dorrinson is just one of many critics who are eagerly waiting for the Sanders phenomenon to come down to Earth. “Telling the truth may be working for Bernie Sanders, but it shows a serious lack of respect for the American political system,” he said.”

The new and improved and upgraded online course “Radical Honesty: How to Get Over Shit and BE Happy” will be launched in October. It is designed to be part of the tipping point of the re-evolution of humanity that we need for our survival. Feeling a bit tipsy are you? We certainly hope so.

birthday party I will be 75 years old on September 8 (Come on out Labor Day Weekend (Sept. 5-8) for the party if you can. You may not be surprised to hear that my completely subjective opinion after 75 years on the planet is that Radical Honesty is the most important thing in the world. It is a primary source of tipping points, and when it tips everything changes.

Love,  Brad

P.S. Watch this. It is John Denver saying no to the old order and yes to the tipping from being killers to being lovers. It is one of the next big tipping points just around the bend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INovhv3dhF8

 

Declare your personal independence (from antiquated and expired social structures of governance) and mutual interdependence (a new bonding with fellow beings through Radical Honesty) by joining The United States of Being today!
A Declaration of Interdependence for a New Millennium
(A Modification of the U.S. Declaration of Independence Based on 200 Years of Personal Growth)

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature entitle them, a decent respect for the opinions of humankind requires that they should declare the causes that impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all human beings are equal, that we all have certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among human beings, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its power in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes, and accordingly all experience has shown that humankind is more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of all human beings colonialized by the currently existing world economy and government at the beginning of the twenty first century, and such is now the necessity that constrains them to alter their former systems of government.

The history of the growth of international corporations and national governments and the interactions between them in the twentieth century is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having, in direct object, the establishment of an absolute tyranny over human beings belonging to this planet. To prove this, let the facts be submitted to a candid world.

The governance of the United States of America, economically the strongest nation currently in the world, is unduly influenced and, in practical fact, controlled, by international corporations in alliance with military interests and quasi-military secret agencies and pro-military governmental bodies. The Congress of the United States, the judiciary branch, and the presidency do not operate independently from this influence. Through hired lobbyists and campaign contributions to both parties in an illusory two-party system, corporate money controls legislation to such a degree as to virtually eliminate serious opposition. The Congress, the courts, and the presidency have failed to pass or effectively advocate any campaign legislation that limits the way they, themselves, have come into power in the first place, based on limited and non-democratic corporate interests.

The budget for defense at the end of the twentieth century, when we are not at war, takes up too large a proportion of the Cross National Product. They keep among us, in times of peace, standing armies without our consent, and with secret agencies hidden from the citizenry, render the military independent of, and superior to, the civil power. There are at least thirty-six separate secret agencies whose funding, operations, or activities are kept secret from the populace in the name of national security. When egregious activities on the part of these military and para-military organizations are brought to light, the revelations are decades after the occurrence of the offending activity, rendering it impossible to have their activities curtailed by the people of this country until those responsible are no longer in power.

Health care is a privilege rather than a right. This privilege depends on how much money an individual has. Insurance companies of such size and wealth as to challenge the power of whole nations are in alliance with pharmaceutical companies of the same proportionate financial power who are also, themselves, in alliance with a medical establishment structurally dependent upon the largesse of corporate giants and vested in the status quo. These alliances can, and do, defeat all attempts at creating a fair and equitable health care system for people in the United States, while robbing even more of the remaining peoples of the world of that same opportunity. The combination of these forces in the United States of America has made it difficult to bring into being a more fair and equitable health care system worldwide.

The rule of law in the strongest nation on earth is a myth. The entire court system is corrupt, unwieldy, and uncorrectable. The criminal justice system is correct in only one way, its name: the criminal justice system. We are building new prisons at an unprecedented rate and populating them with persons whose lives were damned to be underprivileged at birth, and who have been educated and parented in such a way as to render them, for all practical purposes, immune to further learning for the rest of their lives. When the rule of law is mentioned it is in the context of trivial arguments in defense of righteousness, where valuing belief in the rightness of principles themselves for principle’s sake is held higher than compassion for living human beings. Such reification of belief, in any values whatsoever, such that they are holy and untouchable, keeps all that is felt in response to the needs of living persons from being acted upon and mitigates against the flexible creation of systems and structures that re-create those things needed for humanity as needs occur.

The largest economic enterprise on earth is illegal drugs, most of them pain killers. This is kept in place in the world by the United States of America through the decades-long so-called “war on drugs” in which the alliance of the righteously religious, the health care establishment, the para-military secret agencies and the legal system supports the sustenance of the whole corrupt enterprise of “illegal drugs” by outlawing selected drugs and bringing pressure to bear on other countries to do the same. In this way the illegal market can be maintained, the racist criminal justice system remains in place, and the jobs of the hard working but incompetent police and military personnel can be sustained. People who are missed by the illegal drug trade are even more expensively supplemented by the legal pharmaceutical industry, which gets to advertise its biochemical solutions to physical symptoms sourced by the social malaise of which they are such an important part.

The separation of parties in the United States of America is also a myth. The one party with two names is owned and operated by international and national corporate financiers, and keeps the populace under control through secret agreements, lobbying, and ownership of the public media. The ongoing news media show is controlled continuously by the selfsame corporations. For example, in the argument between the “two” parties about setting the minimum wage, Republicans advocate a smaller figure and Democrats advocate a somewhat larger figure for an hourly wage. The entire discussion is limited to the “conservative” advocates of the smaller figure and the “liberal” advocates of the larger figure. Those amounts are all that get discussed in the media. This circus continues and is reported and interpreted by a media controlled by corporate interests so there is no meaningful discussion of what a minimum wage means. The possibility of creating a new minimum wage based on some standard other than the well-established tradition of control of the marketplace by a very small minority of established financiers and institutions is never raised. The media only reframes what they are given in an attempt to sensationalize the information provided for them. Dempublicrats (Dem Public Rats!) remain in control This is the circus that is set out for the entertainment and substitute for thought for the public at large, and for their continual drugged state, in case the illegal drugs provided and the legal pharmaceutical industry’s efforts have not sufficed.

In every stage, these oppressions are maintained and reinforced by a government of representatives, whose elections were bought through advertising in multi-million dollar campaigns financed by established interests. Those of us who have petitioned for redress have been ignored or answered by repeated injury. We have warned them from time to time of the danger of their attempts to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of our rights under the Constitution of the United States and the government and regulations set up under that constitution to no avail. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred here in our native land and in locations throughout the world, to disavow these usurpations of power that would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence with each other. We have repeatedly demanded campaign finance reform and had everyone in both parties in favor of it and “trying” to do so for the last thirty years and that reform has not occurred.

The Congress, the judiciary and the presidency of the United States of America have been bought. They are deaf to the voice of justice and consanguinity. Their allegiances are all to the same interests and controlled by the same alliance of corporations working in skillful accord with each other. They owe their elections and their appointments to the people with the money.

We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity that denounces our separation, and hold these current elected representatives of industry, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace, friends. This is a war of minds and hearts of persons whose primary value is compassion, against persons whose minds and hearts are committed to conquest, control, and domination of other people. This is a war to be fought not on the battlefield, but in the family, the local community, the marketplace, the Internet, the personal conversation with friends, intimate conversations between couples, conversations with strangers and every other avenue of communication and aspect of life on earth, from now on out, until the conclusion is assented to by all people, that we are of one cloth and do honor each others’ humanity above the pleasures and sufferings of conquest and control.

If we could represent the whole world’s population in current times as a village of one hundred people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look like this:

100 people representing the current world population

  • 17 would be unable to read.
  • 37 would suffer from malnutrition.
  • 23 would not have adequate shelter.
  • 7 would have a college education.
  • 48 would live on less than $2.00 per day
  • 22 would own or share a computer

(updated from Marianne Williamson’s book, The Healing of America)

We, the founders of a new order, intend to change the fundamental structures that maintain this obscene balance of wealth and power. This limitation of possibility for most of humankind can only be changed by changing the economic order upon which it is dependent, holding our voices and sheer numbers in alliance with each other as more important and more powerful than the numbers of dollars held by the limited few. We assert that people are more important than money and we intend to build a new world order that reflects that, even if it means proclaiming a new form of money.

We, therefore, as representatives of the United States of Being, do, in the name of, and by the authority of, the good people of this world, solemnly publish and declare, that these United States of Being are, and of right ought to be, a Free and Independent Nation, that we place as secondary all allegiance to any government whatsoever that requires of us, directly or indirectly, a participation in the violation of basic human rights to food, shelter, health care, a decent education, and the restoration of ecological balance of the earth for all of the people of the earth, now and in the future. We proclaim ourselves to be the creators of a new context and a new country called the United States of Being, within which reside all governments, enterprises, corporate entities and affiliations of humankind and under whom all allegiances to other persons or collective bodies are subsumed, toward the goal of making a world where physical warfare exists no more, starvation ends, adequate shelter is provided for all people, ecological balance is restored, health and well being are assured and the fundamental education of all peoples is provided for. And for the support of this declaration, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.

Brad Blanton
Sparrowhawk Farm, July 4, 2015

Click here to sign the Declaration and JOIN us!

P.S. Let people know you are a member of the United States of Being. Just walk right up to them and say, U.S.O.B.  They will know immediately what you mean. Brad

whats_your_story_2A STORY ABOUT STORIES

Our minds are made of memories of events organized into stories. We all live our life in stories. We learn all kinds of stories from family, books, other people, TV, etc. We constantly make a lot of them up for ourselves.

Our very identity is a story. We think of ourselves as a story of what was done to us and what we have done and how and why we did it.

There is nothing particularly wrong with that. It is just what human beings do. But there are a few pitfalls that can immensely affect the quality of our lives!

We sometimes settle for stories that give us less satisfaction than we want but appear to be safe. We do this particularly when we are scared. We are scared by, of course, some remembered story about danger.

We prefer a story of feeling safe, or right—more than feeling free and happy—particularly if we were scolded or controlled a lot when we were growing up.

A lot of parents get scared about raising their children and teach them to live in a worrisome story. They teach cautionary tales to their kids for their protection. That doesn’t always work so well. Sometimes it doesn’t work worth a shit. Sometimes being scared into excessive carefulness is the stupidest thing you could possibly do (think of all the Republicans running for President in the U.S. right now, for example).

And even though we like to feel safe and protected and not at risk, we also like stories that make us feel really good—really happy and proud and in love and laughing and ecstatic—even though being really happy is a little scary for most of us. This is one of the central dilemmas of in-depth psychotherapy.

So we have many stories that tell us not to risk safety in order to feel better and we settle for safety first even if there is a possibility for feeling good—but still a chance of felling worse. “The risk ain’t worth it” was the message a lot of us got from a lot of people living in scary stories themselves who wanted to protect us from being in a tragic story.

Unfortunately bad stories kill people’s spirits and eventually kill people themselves. Zombies are people who got moralized to death.

We have been warned, and sometimes taught from experience, to be careful not to have too much fun. Lightnin’ Hopkins responded to that in a song: “They’s a whole lotta things that I ain’t done. But I ain’t never had too much fun!” …meaning, “WTF you talking about??”

Parents even lie to their children when they tell them honesty is the best policy.  Honesty as a policy is bad advice, bullshit and a lie. If you have Anne Frank in the attic and a nazi knocks on the door and asks “Are there any Jews in this house?” you probably want to lie to the sonofabitch.

Then parents and other moralists compound the lie by saying honesty is the best policy because it is morally right. It turns out they were right about honesty being good, but for the wrong reasons. One of the best freak events of human history (and herstory as well) is that honesty is the best policy, but for entirely different reasons.

Radical Honesty, because it brings about the destruction of a lot of pat stories that are no longer useful or were all bullshit in the first place, is the very source of personal liberation and social revolution.

Because after the pain of the overthrow of the government of the mind stories, comes A GREAT SCARY JOY! Suddenly there is a new openness to the possibilities of play in the fields of the Lord!

We have hundreds of stories. Stories of creativity, love restored and renewed and new love found, the love of children, being loved by children, being loved by others, laughing a lot, getting laid, being appreciated and inspired by inspiring others! The list goes on! Scary but rewarding but risky Radical Honesty generates heroic wonderful moving enlightening joyful stories galore!

Honesty is the best policy because it destroys the moralism of the mind. Moralism is a lie. Moral righteousness is a false story. Talk to any Republican or Baptist or Catholic or Shiite or true believer of any ilk and you will see what I mean.

But even though joy is much more fun than carefulness and avoiding being vulnerable and believing in belief, it takes courage. The element of uncertainty, or risk, often makes us choose safety within a limited story. The bliss of storylessness or the life of greater stories is scary.  Love is scary. We have been told too many stories about not having too much fun, and we believe in them unconsciously in spite of ourselves. Safety is comforting and a sometimes a pretty good story but not all that joyful. Jail is protection but is not known for its bliss.

There are limited rewards (but better than nothing) that come from living in a story of being jilted, or unfairly treated, or incorrectly blamed or abused even though innocent. People feel sorry for you, and that turns out to be a safe place to hide. Stories of victimization are safer than upsetting the applecart by being honest about anger and disappointment and sadness and joy, feeling our way through those things, and getting to forgiveness.

The rewards of Radical Honesty (getting to forgiveness and renewed connection with loved ones and “the peace that passeth understanding” the scary bliss of joy for no good reason) are passed up to avoid the risks of being vulnerable and less in control of avoiding things we don’t like.

So we trade the joys of living lives of connection and forgiveness and contribution to others because the risks are (1) unbearable reward or (2) failure. We compromise for the stories of carefulness and safety, and being right about having been wronged. This is a less rewarding use of stories.

Uncertainty is not as bad as we make it seem. A lot of our tombstones could say: “Lived a life more dampened by stories of justification than enriched by stories of risk and glory.”

Shared Stories: Scary Intimacy

There is a lot of joy living in shared stories. But there is less certainty when you are honest about things that change. Feelings, judgments, sensations and lots of other human things change right in the middle of relationships between people. You don’t get to determine how the story comes out all by yourself. You can’t be sure what some other folks might come up with, even though they may also come up with something better than you have so far. You can win and you can lose in shared stories. Stories can end before you want them to and you can’t be in charge of whether they do or not or how they turn, or how they turn out.

As a psychotherapist and leader of workshops in personal growth I have heard a lot of stories. For about 25 years I have been hearing people take an hour and tell the entire story of their lives to everyone in the group in our Radical Honesty Eight Day Workshops.  And then over the next months following each workshop we get to hear each others changes in our stories and new stories altogether. Hearing all those stories further changes all our stories. There is a way of having your stories change be a thrill instead of a threat. Sharing a roller coaster ride is more fun than a train wreck!

One of the main benefits of what we teach with our stories is courage. We provide encouragement by true stories of courageousness. We give inspiring examples of people taking risks and winning after losing over and over again due to too much carelessness or too much carefulness. We teach people how to be willing to lose, and try again until they win. We teach the general skills and then give specific coaching that makes losers into winners, one at a time, and how to keep doing it.

We love each other because of the openness and vulnerability and willingness to risk losing for the sake of more honest and intimate connections. And we show you how and why it is worth the trouble it takes to get there by being in love ourselves from having done it.

Social Revolution Based on Personal Liberation

Empathy for others as well as self leads to not just charity, but to demand for justice and social change. So the end result of both effective psychotherapy and successful personal growth is that the person always becomes an activist. Anything short of that is not successful personal growth or psychotherapy. Any person who claims they have gained the benefits of therapy who is not an activist is a liar.

Our new collective story about honesty and empathy is in conflict with many other cultural stories. So we admit it. We are a cult. We are The Radical Honesty Cult. And we plan to take over the world.

We promise to give you the courage to become an activist for justice and fairness and the ongoing renewal of the joy that comes from that.

We have a new revised power packed online workshop coming up in October 2015. It is called. The Bloomin’ Human: How to Get Over Shit and BE Happy. Stay tuned.

How about trying honesty? How about being honest, radically honest all the time, with everyone you know? What would happen to us and our friends and the world if we just stop being polite and political—especially with people we already know? How about sharing everything that goes through your mind, whether it is politically correct or not?

A woman, in a job interview, was asked by her potential boss, “What do you consider to be your biggest fault?”

She answered, “Honesty.”

He said, “I don’t think honesty is a fault!”

She said, “I don’t give a fuck what you think!”

So if you were the interviewer, would you hire her?

I would! I want someone I can depend on to say what they think instead of cater to me. I think all smart bosses want that.

Let’s say you decide to try this honesty experiment. How do you really say what is on your mind?

Sharing what is on your mind is a problem. And I don’t mean just because of lack of practice. There are lots of reasons, but the main one is because we have three minds. I mean it. Really. We have 3 minds.

Our reactive mind is made up of recorded memories—total, multi-sensory recordings of successive moments of now…going back all the way to the womb. One of the things you are as a human being is a multi-sensory recorder of what happens in your world and to you as they happen.

Something happens (someone who looks and sounds like a former teacher who was unfair to you shows up). This person reminds you, vaguely, of the bad event that happened before, and you decide this new person is going to turn out bad because the first time you had to deal with someone like this was bad news. These previous recordings get triggered by new life events and influence how you respond to them.

So you put on the brakes, start worrying or try to fix what you imagine is coming, or say something to distance yourself from them. That’s the reactive mind at work.

Our Personal Construct Mind  is made up of conclusions reached from repeated experiences. We put together our memories of things that happened over and over again and give those kinds of events a name and the store the names for those kinds of events.

Then when a new experience shows up we say, “Oh! This is one of those kind of experiences…” These personal constructs are interpretations of meaning stored in the mind based on repeated occurrences of the same kinds of events.

For example, the baby, nursing, through many nursing events , eventually distinguishes nursing events” vs. “non nursing events” and makes a little personal construct about the distinction. Then, when the baby gets hungry and imagines nursing and cries and gets fed she begins to operate in the world via her first personal constructs. “If I cry when I’m hungry a nursing event comes…Then sometime when she cries and doesn’t get fed she gets just madder than hell! She EXPECTS and WANTS what she knows often happens…

We store memories of repeated experiences and make them into a whole second kind of mind made up of personal constructs.

Our Categorical Mind, or Mind Mapping Mind  is what we usually think of when we think of our mind. It is  based mostly on language and common definitions of meaning and conscious attempts at prediction and control using a logical sequence of ideas. “If I act nice, I might get mom to let me watch TV…”

This mind kind of likes to play like it is in charge. But mostly this mind is used to rationalize the reactions of the reactive mind and the warnings of the personal construct mind. So most ideas that seem to have occurred from rational thought, actually didn’t, we just got used to acting like they did.

THREE MINDS IN CONFLICT

These three minds, (one based on total multisensory recordings of moments of experience, another based on the integration of and categorizing of the same kinds of events, and the third using agreed upon meanings for planning and thinking), are often (make that usually), in conflict with each other.

The mind we always assume is in charge of our lives is the categorical mind. Most often actually determining both the content and quality of our lives, are the reactive mind and the personal construct mind.

SELF BLAME—AN EGO TRIP

The comedian, Chevy Chase, came out on stage once and said, “My wife died.  … I kinda’ blame myself. … I shot her.”

What makes that funny is that we expect the usual false modesty and fake excuses for how he might have been to blame…not really expecting him to blurt out how come it was clearly his fault! (We are all so wise about each other’s false modesty because we know our own phony pretenses about it, even though we usually keep that secret from other people and seldom acknowledge it, even secretly, to ourselves.)

Usually, when we “blame ourselves” when things don’t work out, it is a kind of negative ego trip and a lie. We are always playing like we were trying to do good and be in control with our categorical mind, when actually we didn’t know what we were doing in the first place.

So it is confusing to have three minds, and never know for sure which one is coming up with an idea, which one is mad or disappointed or how the three might be trying to deal with the reactive judgments and feelings based on previously recorded events and their meanings.

Carl Jung used to say, after years and years of doing therapy with people, “the fear is the wish.”

I think what he meant is that a lot of us make something we say we don’t want to happen, happen! Sometimes one mind wants one thing and another mind wants another…Sometimes one of our minds wants one thing and another wants just the opposite.

I have seen many people repeat mistakes, in spite of their best efforts not to. So while we “have a mind to” make conscious plans and hold intentions to “never ever do that again” we then, sure enough, end up doing that same thing again… New wife, or husband or mate…same problems come up. Same song, second verse. Same kind of conflicts in the marriage ending the same way all over again—same divorce proceedings, second and third time around.

So, What Is A Person To Do?

What can we do if our minds mislead and confuse us all the time? Like the New Yorker answered, when a tourist asked, “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?” …“Practice, practice, practice!”

Practice what?

You practice noticing first and thinking second…

We all have three minds. They contradict and confuse each other. Throughout the history of our culture and our lives, thinking has been highly overrated as the ultimate answer to trouble, when, in fact it appears to be the primary cause!

What we call thinking is mostly recollection of partially remembered interpretations from the past—interpretations that were inaccurate in the first place! If you start out by thinking, you are almost certain to lose!

So never start problem solving or planning the future or creating something new—by thinking! (This makes me think of Ambrose Bierce’s definition of mind.  “That thing, with which, we think we think.”)

Never lead with your mind at all! Never lead with your minds at all! All three minds are unreliable! Distorted! Delusional! Of secondary importance! Not to be relied upon! Untrustworthy! Bullshit machines!

Noticing is underrated. Thinking is highly overrated. Noticing is lowly underrated. Noticing is not the same thing as thinking. Noticing is about paying attention to what is going on here and now. Noticing is often interrupted and interfered with by thinking.

We all need each others help in not having to depend so much on these untrustworthy instruments called minds!

The only way to have a chance at any clarity of all, including clarity of thought, is by being grounded in paying attention to our experience and being honest with each other.

How do you do that?

Being grounded in your experience means being grounded in awareness.

You can start by learning about the awareness continuum.

The Awareness Continuum includes everything you can possibly be aware of, period. The awareness continuum can be divided into three parts. They are: 1) what you notice outside of you right now, 2) what you notice in your body right now, and 3) what you notice going through your mind right now.

That is all there is. That is all you can ever notice. That’s all you can be aware of, period. We call these three aspects of the awareness continuum OUTSIDE, INSIDE, UPSIDE DOWN…

The sequence or order in which you use your awareness to pay attention is critical.Give your attention to the world outside of you, your body, and the thoughts in your minds—in that order. And practice, practice practice!

Pay attention to the outside first, inside your body second, upside down (what is going through your mind at the moment) third.

Practice focusing your attention with your senses first…use your eyes, your ears, your relationship to gravity, your nose, your ways of perceiving what is happening in the world around you and what is being said or done by the person or persons in front of you. Do that first…and then share what you’ve noticed—with another faulty minded, fucked up, confused human being like yourself. Pay attention to what is there to notice and then speak out loud about what you notice, right now, here and now to another human being.

Then you do the same thing—notice and report—with what is going on in your body in the moment and then do the same with what is going on in your mind.

So, again, this sequence for practicing communicating what we notice:

  1. Be aware of and report to others what we notice about them and about  the world around us.
  2. …then report what we notice when we attend to the sensations in our body, and then…and only then…
  3. …we share what we notice going through our minds!

This is honesty! Sharing what we notice. That is what we need to practice, practice, practice! This is radical because it is how you get at the root of things!

Sharing what we notice outside of us about our environment and each other, what we notice in our bodies,  and then, what we think—i.e. what we notice going through our three minds, honestly, puts us in honest contact with each other. This is intimacy. And there is no intimacy without radical honesty.

People will think you are weird when you start doing this.

Do it anyway.

You get good at speaking your mind by practice in speaking your presence in the simplest and dumbest way possible. Unless and until you start out founded in dumbness (Being Dumb Founded) your mind is worse than useless!

Over the course of about 20 years I conducted an 8 Day long intensive workshop, two to five times a year, with about fifteen people each time. About 10 years or so into that project we discovered a chant. This chant always works. This chant always puts you on the path to enlightenment, without fail.

Usually I charge people a whole lot of money for this but today I am giving it away for free. Here is the chant: Duhhhhhhhhhh. DUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Duhhhhhhhhh!

You get dumber than a stick. Dumber than a box of hammers. Stay there. Keep chanting. Within 3 minutes you will become enlightened. If you slobber you will get there within two minutes!

So back to our original question: How do you practice speaking your mind?

You focus on staying grounded in that same dumbness…and you then say what is on all of your minds, like a dummy, often contradicting yourself when one mind predominates over another. Go ahead. Contradict yourself out loud! Like a dummy!

Believe it or not, this is what helps you get over shit and be happy!

The greatest benefit of all this noticing instead of thinking is: Because you are paying attention to your experience, when your feelings change, when you feel your way though things instead of thinking your way around things, you get to FORGIVENESS. You get over grudges, past hurts, attachments to other life constraining judgments of others as well as yourself. You pay attention to the experience and it comes and goes. Then it is gone. Then you are over it. Forgiving your enemies, just like Jeziz said, is pretty God damned important! The result of forgiving other people is that you forgive yourself that way.

Forgiveness comes through experiencing something in your body.

We call it Radical Honesty. Telling on yourself to others and getting over your judgments of them and yourself that way, by feeling your way through it, is not only your last best hope for a happy life, it’s ours as well!

Besides, once revealed on purpose, your previous faith in your own judgments is hilarious! Your whole life is a stand up comedy routine anyway, so why not enjoy it?

HONEST CO-HEARTED CO-INTELLIGENCE

A whole lot of people who have come off it together is a wonderful thing. We quit pretending that we are not pretending and instead admit it when we catch ourselves doing it.

This grounding and reporting process leads to a kind of shared genius called honest co-hearted co-intelligence. We in the Radical Honesty community think is our only hope for our individual thrival and species survival.

We need each other. We need each others honesty to clarify our confusing multiple intra individual and inter individual minds. And we do that BY SHARING THEM COMPLETELY AND HONESTLY! That is with nothing withheld! We all have three unreliable minds and we just can’t sort things out without a lot of help from each other.

So in accord with our theme for this TEDx conference, what do we need to unlearn and what do we need to relearn?

  1. WHAT WE ALL NEED TO UNLEARN IS FAITH IN OUR THINKING MINDS: Having blind faith in our own minds (or any other mind) is not called blind faith for nothing! We all need to get over believing that thinking is more important than noticing. Thinking is way less important than noticing! Think about it!
  1. WHAT WE ALL NEED DESPERATELY TO RE-LEARN IS: ORIENTATION TO THE WORLD AND OTHER PEOPLE THROUGH NOTICING, reporting what we notice, and reporting without modification, tact or diplomacy regardless of the consequences. We did this as children. When we were children, we spoke without tact, modification or diplomacy. We just told the truth. We naively blurted things out. Somehow we learned to stop doing that. THAT was a mistake.

TROUBLE—

The reason we usually choose to not tell the truth is to avoid some kind of trouble. We lie to avoid trouble. The trouble with avoiding trouble is that you cause more trouble by avoiding trouble than the trouble you had in the first place!

Lots of times the trouble we worry about never happens. But sometimes trouble really might happen if we tell a particular truth. Go ahead! Life is trouble! Lying gets you in trouble. Honesty gets you in trouble. When you have three minds, life is trouble! The question then becomes “What is the best kind of trouble?”

And the answer is that the trouble that comes from honesty is the best trouble. Not only is it more fun, more easily handled, much more easily shared—it makes it possible to get some help figuring out how your mind has been interpreting incorrectly. When you are lying for the sake of self protection, you can’t get any of the kind of help from others that you need—vital  feedback for the quality of your life and theirs as well.

In personal relationships, by making the trouble from telling the truth, we actually end up with relationships that are real, lasting, authentic, and intimate.

Most of us think the “avoiding the truth” kind of trouble is the way to get to intimacy in relationships because that is what we have been taught all of our lives. Big mistake! One of the biggest! Just another bullshit thought that caught on!

Lying, particularly through withholding, secrecy, phony politeness, etc. is a killer.

Usually diplomacy is pitched as the alternative to war. That is a lie and a stupid mistake. Diplomacy causes war. Diplomacy is what has created the sick and dying world we now have. You can see how well diplomacy works by just seeing how the world works right now. Diplomacy is lying to get what you want from others. Fuck diplomacy! Tell the God damned truth!

Through secrecy and lying we kill people by the thousands every day. And we will kill ourselves off completely as a species if we keep attempting to control and manipulate each other by our myriad ways of lying with all three of our minds.

Radical honesty, though scary, can’t be worse than the known murderous consequences of lying. We are each others laboratory mates in an ongoing human experiment. We need each other to report honestly what is really going on with us the best we can tell, or we will suffocate in all the  bullshit we generate by avoiding being straight with each other. So far, that is what we are destined to do.

Do something to change that if you can. I suggest  you start practicing Radical Honesty and invite everyone you know to be radically honest with you as well. Maybe this could catch on.

Stop_worrying_about_worryingYou know how you start thinking about something and turning it around in your mind, and it’s kind of pleasant but then when you want to stop, you can’t? And then it gets annoying. And then it gets more annoying.

Here’s how to stop that. [click to continue…]