Being with uncertainty
Hey, gang. Tony Cuseo here again.
For the past couple of years, I have been helping Brad/co-writing a book with him that will hopefully be released sometime in the next century.
Today, I want to share an excerpt with you that I wrote based on a conversation Brad Blanton and I had on Zoom about love and uncertainty:
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again — your mind is not to be trusted.
Neither are your beliefs, despite what you believe. People say, “I have a lot of faith in ______.” (God, prayer, rational thinking, intuition, my mother, my teacher, my guru). Good for you. That’s a surefire way to stay out of touch and trapped in your mind.
To quote the great Alan Watts, whom Brad and I both adore:
“In practice we are all bewitched by words. We confuse them with the real world, and try to live in the real world as if it were the world of words. As a consequence, we are dismayed and dumbfounded when they do not fit. The more we try to live in the world of words, the more we feel isolated and alone, the more all the joy and liveliness of things is exchanged for mere certainty and security. On the other hand, the more we are forced to admit that we actually live in the real world, the more we feel ignorant, uncertain and insecure about everything.”
Scary shit, right? Here’s something even more frightening: Your increased capacity for uncertainty is a requirement for your increased capacity to love and be loved. To quote Watts again, from his brilliant book, The Wisdom of Insecurity:
“For the poets have seen the truth that life, change, movement, and insecurity are so many names for the same thing. Here, if anywhere, truth is beauty, for movement and rhythm are of the essence of all things lovable.”
So here we are, feeling around in the dark together, searching for something solid to hold onto, that is nowhere to be found. Life sure ain’t for the faint of heart, now is it? But here’s a little bright spot — an unlikely silver lining, wrapped up in a paradox: When you own your powerlessness, you become powerful.
As Niels Bohr once said, “The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.”
The profound truth in this case, is that admitting your weakness makes you stronger.
Owning up to the fact that you feel lost, and scared, and you don’t have a fucking clue about what you’re doing, or what you want, or what the hell this life is all about, is a courageous act. Also, as it turns out, it makes you lovable as hell.
I really like these words. And though I’m the one who put them on paper, it’s worth noting that I took most of the content from Brad.
For me, being with uncertainty is the core work of Radical Honesty.
Intellectually and philosophically, I imagine most of us can agree that life is uncertain.
But in relating to uncertainty on the level of the mind, we can keep a bit of distance.
In practicing Radical Honesty, however, we experience uncertainty.
If I tell someone I’m mad at them, or tell them I love them, I don’t know how they’ll react, nor can I control what they’ll say or do in response.
If I ask for what I want, I could get it. Or, I could be said no to or be judged for asking.
Who knows? All bets are off.
I like imagining those of us in the Radical Honesty community as explorers of sorts, sailing around without a compass.
Sometimes we’re getting tossed about by the waves so violently that we’re throwing up over the side of the ship.
Sometimes we crash into the rocks or fall overboard.
And every once in a while, we cruise on the open sea singing shanties and dancing a jig buck naked on the deck.
We’re never sure what will happen, or where we’ll end up.
This is fun.
It is also terrifying.
Weekend workshop with Lindsay and Tony
If you would like to meet some fellow explorers, and further build your capacity for being with love and uncertainty, join Lindsay and me this April 28-30 for a Weekend Workshop in Seattle (yes, the dates changed—uncertainty strikes again!)
We will be entering the unknown together. What will happen is certainly uncertain.
Who knows? We may all accidentally fall in love.
For more information and to sign up, click here:
Also, Lindsay and I have just begun our first online series "Let's Talk About Sex" and, we have another opportunity for you to join this new Radical Honesty online workshop. Join us on Saturdays at 12pm EST / 6pm CET between February 18 - March 18 for this interactive discussion all about sex (no call on March 4th).
Our intention is to create a space for you to share what you’ve kept hidden about your sexual self. And to do so in community, with support from each other and the coaches.
Betty Martin (author of The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent) has said that the antidote to shame is being seen. We hope this series serves as an opportunity for you to be seen, and to fully experience whatever comes up for you when you are totally revealed. Sound intriguing? Sign up here:
Love,
Tony
Tony Cuseo is a Radical Honesty Trainer Candidate who co-leads workshops and practice groups. He also holds certifications in Embodied Counseling and Sexological Bodywork. Tony is passionate about creating art, music, and love.
Upcoming Workshops Co-led by Tony: