Taber Owns Sexual Misconduct and RHI Addresses Problems with Past Organizational Norms
Context
Taber Shadburne became an apprentice of Brad Blanton in 1997 and as he rose in the ranks of Brad’s company - Radical Honesty Enterprises (“RHE”) he became the only Master Trainer and the co-leader of RHE. Taber had a significant influence on the Radical Honesty movement and helped give the practice a more subtle, less brash expression, including more emphasis on vulnerability, deep listening, and spirituality – inspired by his long-time study of Zen Buddhism.
The transition from Brad and Taber to the next generation of leaders of the Radical Honesty movement began in 2017 when a group of Trainers started formalizing some of the structure and training of Trainers. When the Radical Honesty Institute was formed in August 2021 and RHI purchased some of the assets of RHE, most RH Trainers and Trainer Candidates were absorbed by RHI with their existing certifications and seniority. Taber was never transitioned to any position within RHI. (Even though the website failed to reflect this for a while.)
During the transition, concerns arose about Taber’s past sexual behavior in the RH Community. At the time, there was no process or structure for holding members of the RH Community accountable for issues and harm caused in the Community. The Community confronted Taber about the concerns in March 2020 and held several Community calls with Taber about the concerns. While it was mutually agreed that Taber would take time off from teaching any RH from then on, and some progress was made in addressing the concerns, the calls were often heated and counter-productive, and though Taber has not taught RH since that time, no final resolution was reached until now.
RHI acknowledges that Taber’s behavior was within the context of the permissive sexual norms already established in the RH Community by Brad Blanton, the founder of RHE, and that Taber perpetuated such permissiveness in the Community. RHI also acknowledges that Taber’s behavior was mostly out in the open and that Taber often brought up these issues and relationships for discussion and feedback within the Community. The Community milieu in which Taber acted contributed to his disregard of the risks.
After RHI was formed, the owners began to restructure the entire organization, including new rules surrounding the sexual conduct of Trainers. At one point Accountability Case 001 was opened to track the investigation and progress of the complaints about Taber’s behavior.
Accountability Circle’s Finding
After reviewing the investigation and after several meetings with Taber, the Accountability Circle closed Case 001 on May 1, 2024. RHI and the Accountability Circle regret that it has taken more than four years to close this case and acknowledge the hurt and distrust that this long process has caused in the Radical Honesty Community.
In its final determination, the Accountability Circle made the following six (6) findings:
Taber was found to have exploited the power imbalance between his position as Master Trainer and workshop participants within the Radical Honesty Structure for personal sexual gratification.
Specifically, the Accountability Circle found that:Taber’s sexual propositioning was frequent, repeated, and occurred in multiple settings and locations (i.e. habitual)
Through interviews with witnesses, the Accountability Circle has learned that some, but not all, of Taber’s sexual partners, experienced negative emotional impacts from the relationship
Despite Taber having obtained verbal consent, the combination of the negative impact and the power imbalance at the time of such consent makes these sexual relationships exploitative.
Behavior that meets this 3-point test: (1) habitual; (2) sexual; and (3) exploitative, is commonly defined as sexually predatory behavior. The Accountability Circle is not claiming that Taber had any intent to harm or exploit anyone, nor are we labeling Taber a sexual predator. The Accountability Circle does, however, find that Taber regularly engaged in behavior that is commonly described as sexually predatory.
As the only master Trainer in Radical Honesty, Taber was one of only two people who could train new Trainers and as such had decision power over who became certified RH Trainers who could earn a living from teaching Radical Honesty. Taber sexually propositioned Trainer Candidates during their training, exploiting the power imbalance of the teacher/student relationship.
As the de facto co-leader and second in command of Radical Honesty, Taber had power over paid contractors and volunteers who worked in return for reduced workshop fees in pseudo-employment relationships. Taber propositioned individuals in employer-employee relationships with him, consistent with workplace harassment.
Taber’s behavior contributed to normalizing sexually predatory behavior within the Trainer ranks in the Radical Honesty Community, a legacy that the Institute is still working to correct.
Taber’s behavior eroded community trust in the Radical Honesty Institute. Several key Trainers left the Institute, and several Trainer Candidates abandoned their training path in response to Taber’s behavior.
Taber's insufficiency in addressing the inherent risk of dual relationships, despite his knowledge of those risks, his lack of keeping current on evolving consent as society grappled with the #METOO movement, and his initial struggle with owning the extent of his culpability in the harm done were found to be unacceptable considering his position as Master Trainer.
As a result of these six (6) findings, Taber Shadburne will be unable to have any role in RHI for an indefinite time.
Taber Shadburne’s Statement
I deeply regret that I caused pain to individuals in the RH Community and to the Community as a whole, through my critical errors in judgment and mistaken sexual behavior. Although my behavior was within the (mistaken) sexual norms and agreements of the RH Community of that time, and was not hidden, I understand and agree with all of the concerns listed above by the accountability circle.
I have been doing my best to take full responsibility for the negative impact of my behavior, to correct my mistakes, and to make amends. In many ways, however, the damage is done and can’t be undone. I have much regret, and am very sad about this. Although the norms of the RH Community at the time were akin to the 1970s “free love” ways of being, and our assumption was that all workshop participants and leaders were consenting adults and responsible for our own choices, I have come to see the ways in which these norms, and how I operated within them, were mistaken and sometimes hurtful. I acknowledge that I was reinforcing and promulgating those norms through my behavior, and have come to see that my doing so was often driven by my selfish agenda and that my less direct (than Brad) and more charming/manipulative style exacerbated the issues. Through these actions, I failed to care for, and sometimes harmed, those who were coming to me for help and support.
Even in early 2019, after a difficult breakup and before these issues were brought to my attention by the new leadership of RHI, I had started becoming painfully aware of some of my unconsciousness, dysfunction, and unintentional hurtfulness in the realm of intimate relating. I started deeply looking at and grappling with my relationship history and the ways that I had been selfish and hurtful, and deceiving myself about it. Since late summer of 2019, I have placed myself on sabbatical from all teaching, have been mostly celibate, and have been getting much personal counseling, therapeutic and spiritual support, and tough feedback from peers.
I acknowledge that my behavior was habitual, sexual, and exploitative (though not consciously or intentionally so, at the time). I wanted to believe, and told myself at the time, that clear and explicit verbal consent was enough, and that those with whom I was engaging were free to speak their heart/mind, take good care of themselves in relation to me, set limits, and ask me for whatever they truly wanted/needed. I see now how often none of those things were fully possible because of the imbalance in our various power dynamics. In those situations, I had greater degrees of various forms of power and privilege that unfairly skewed any such conversations and/or agreements, and often made real consent impossible. I wanted to believe that, after the workshop was over, we could function as peers, as equals, as fully consenting adults, but I now see how this was often impossible, due to some built-in power imbalances, and an unlevel playing field. I see that real consent was sometimes impossible because of the advantage I had in these situations, due to the greater degree of the various forms of power and privilege I possessed. Specifically:
I had the power & privilege of inhabiting the role of the teacher, being looked up to as someone who knew better/more about psychological health and well-being than my students, who were placing themselves in my care.
I had the power & privilege of holding a position of greater social status in the Community within which my students wanted to find acceptance, stature, and belonging.
I had the power & privilege of a position of greater authority within the organization by which some of my students were being paid, or from which they were receiving discounts or scholarships.
I had the power & privilege of my possession of counseling and teaching abilities – emotional intelligence and skills, the ability to empathize and understand, to build connection and rapport, and to influence.
I had the power & privilege of possessing a greater (though obviously, still limited) degree of self-awareness, knowledge of what I wanted and freedom to ask for it, and consequent ability to take care of myself.
The way I took advantage of these forms of power & privilege in my interactions with female students to whom I was attracted represented a big failure on my part to take care of them, a failure to protect (from myself) those who had, in essence, at my invitation, placed themselves in my care. Even though I took this advantage unconsciously, I deeply regret having done so. And the possession by my students of less power & privilege in all these areas put them at a disadvantage in being able to truly take care of themselves.
Having grown up as a pretty shy guy who was insecure about approaching women, my rise to Master Trainer gave me the confidence and power to be more assertive and to engage in sexual relationships with women that I might not otherwise have been confident enough to pursue.
I knew, even then, that all these issues and dynamics were potentially quite problematic, but I self-servingly (and rather arrogantly) deluded myself into thinking that I had managed to navigate them caringly, through the use of honest conversations, verbal consent, feedback from others, etc. Despite what I thought at the time were good intentions, I hurt some women I care about and did them a big disservice. I have had a lot of guilt and shame, sadness and remorse, realizing how I unwittingly harmed some of my students/friends/lovers. Wherever possible, I have apologized and tried to make amends to those whom I have hurt. I welcome any suggestions about how to do a better job of all of that. And to anyone reading this message:
If I hurt you with any of my actions, I sincerely apologize for what I did to cause you pain.
I am deeply sorry.
I understand how, in the same way that I took cues for my behavior within the RH Community from Brad, my teacher and mentor, I was looked up to, and often functioned as a role model for students and future trainers, even someone to emulate. And so, by modeling this kind of behavior, I was a bad influence, fueled gossip, and did harm to the Community.
And I understand how, because of this harm I caused – to some individuals and to the Community as a whole – it is not appropriate or supportive for me to be a part of the new Radical Honesty Institute. Though our first stumbling attempts to resolve these issues back in 2020 were rather awkward and reactive, and painful all around, I am very grateful to the current RHI Accountability Circle for the process we went through together, which felt like a healing and transformational one.
Again, I deeply apologize for any lingering effects of harm that I caused, and I strongly hope that they are outweighed by the other ways in which I tried to serve the students of RH, and the good that I tried to do for Radical Honesty and the RH Community. I wish the Institute and the future RH Community very well and hope that it keeps growing and evolving and supporting people in transforming their lives and relationships.
Personally, though I have big regrets about the hurt that I caused, and even though it has been painful to receive this feedback, to look deeply at my own failings, and to openly admit all this to others, I am still grateful to have gone through this process. It has shined a much-needed light on my own capacity for self-deception – how I could behave selfishly, while convincing myself I was being a “good guy”; how I could simultaneously be deeply committed to self-awareness, empathy, communication and compassion, and still be deluding myself about ways in which I was being hurtful. This process has been very humbling, but it is now clear that I needed to be humbled. I sincerely hope that I can do a better job of “doing no harm” and being of true service, by moving forward with a newfound, greater, healthy sense of humility.
In going through the whole process of the last 4+ years, and going forward, I am striving to transform my own personal shortcomings, those that drove my hurtful behavior, and to use my big learning from doing so to not only keep from repeating my past mistakes, but to hopefully be of better service to others. For instance, I have been doing some studying, writing, and sharing about the big difference between self-serving and truly other-serving leadership. I hope to not only deeply learn from my own painful and hurtful mistakes, and deep regrets, but to also help others learn from them, as well.
Though it has been nearly five years, I have not yet begun to teach again. When I do, I will do so very differently, with a much deeper understanding of and sensitivity to all the forms of power and privilege I mentioned above, and the very seductive and hurtful possibility of self-deception regarding them. And hopefully, I will possess a greatly enhanced ability to transmit those understandings and sensitivities to others, and will be able to use them for the greater good.
Radical Honesty Conclusion
Taber Shadburne will always be part of our history. He critically shaped the decades of Radical Honesty before RHI was formed. Radical Honesty Institute and the Accountability Circle appreciate Taber for his candid statement above where he, in our opinion, takes full responsibility for his past actions and the harm he has done, and we see the statement as a sign of required self-reflection.
This case revealed several critical shortcomings in the previous structure, ethical guidelines, controls, and training, which we are using to re-invent much of our structure, culture, and how we do things. Specifically, the cultural norm regarding dual intimate relationships that used to be “We are all consenting adults here, who are equal and can make free choices” will be replaced by new ethical guidelines consistent with coaching industry standards. We expect to release new ethical guidelines soon, new training is in the works, new controls have been implemented, and the Trainer certification program is in the process of being completely overhauled.
While Taber stopped teaching workshops in 2019, and the problematic behavior stopped around that time, this entire process has been long and difficult for all parties involved. We have all grown and learned from the experience. The Radical Honesty Institute wishes Taber well in the future.