Hi Friends, Marvin here.

I grew up in industrial Germany as a shy, well-educated, nice boy.

My dad was poor throughout the first three decades of his life, and stole in shops to get by. His father was an alcoholic, broken by the war. In my family, having a good job was the Holy Grail. To be employed and impress other people, micro-manage the image they have about you, is the highest goal.

So I spent the first quarter of my life designing my character as a good worker.

I lied to be liked by people I did not like. Ouch. This hurts to write.

At 26, I was tired of working for corporations and spinning the greed-wheel. From studying abroad in Mexico and China and experimenting with minor psychedelic drugs I had a glimpse at what kind of life could be possible for me.

I wanted to start my own business. Yet I had no reference experience in doing so.

At that time I worked in my American Dream Job as the Executive Assistant to Bertelsmann in New York City. This was a big achievement. Everyone I knew was proud.

Yet on the inside I felt lonely and isolated, knowing I was suppressing my true desires and inner voice somehow.

I was stuck in the present, held back by the past, unable to move towards my future.

Whenever I thought about quitting my work and starting my own business, my rational mind jumped in terror and rang the alarm bells in defense of my status quo. Twenty-six long years of diligent conditioning stood against a seemingly foolish desire for a more free, independent life.

“What do you think you are doing? You worked so hard for this. You are a manager now. You wanted this. You will be rich. You can get all the women. You reached your dreams. Stay.”

My dad was very supportive and told me he would love me either way.

He told me to just trust in myself.

Unfortunately, in my situation this good piece of advice did the opposite.

Until I understood what it actually means to trust myself.

A Limiting View of the Self

To place trust in yourself, you have to know who you really are…

...and you have to be able to trust.

At the time of my dilemma, I was entirely identified with the story I told about myself.

That meant that I lived purely for my image. I thought that who I was as a human being was all the thoughts I produced. By default, all my attention went straight to my head. I tried to reason, figure out, and make meaning out of everything.

At times, I even forgot that I was a body.

I had no space between me and my thoughts.

This burned me out and led me to the brink of collapse a few times.

When I thought about trusting myself, I only reinforced all the limiting beliefs I had.

If you would have asked me who I am, I would have handed you my German ID and told you about my grades from business school and the car I drove.

I tried to compensate for my lack of faith by finding strong concepts in the outside world to cling to: Germany, Jesus, Eminem.

I cried when the German soccer team lost. I did not cry when my grandfather died.

And of course, if your story about yourself is that limited, how can you trust yourself?

And even if you believe grandiose stories about yourself, they are equally limiting. They might enable you to act more than stories of defeat, yet believing them reinforces an illusion.

Thinking you are the greatest or thinking you are a loser are two sides of the same coin: thinking.

And the goal is not to move from one side to the other, but to gain distance from this false self-inflating game and live in the space of experience that surrounds this.

Growing Out of Your Self-Made Boxes

Luckily, I had practiced some yoga and meditation at that time.

Still, I needed four weeks to scramble together my bits of courage and ask for a conversation with my boss. When the day of the meeting came, I felt paralyzed with fear. I leaned against one of the skyscrapers on Broadway for about 30 minutes. My legs felt frozen and shaky.

I finally pep-talked myself into movement with some quotes I remembered.

I felt sick and nauseous on my way to the meeting.

I stopped the elevator half-way to the 36th floor to go to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Images of David versus Goliath came to mind.

And through all the noise cut a voice that said:

“Just trust in yourself.”

This time, I smiled. I intuitively knew what it meant.

And so I had the first honest conversation with a perceived authority figure. Despite my worst nightmares of being escorted out of the building by the police for being a traitor, my former boss congratulated me on my decision and walked with me through New York City.

I noticed the birds and the smells, and saw people's faces.

I outgrew my box, came a bit closer to myself.

The Greater Self as the Here & Now

Ultimately, trusting yourself means to have faith in life itself.

This means to trust that there are forces outside of your control that keep you alive.

Millions of processes happen each second inside of your body, outside of your control. Trust that the way of life can be free and joyous. I called this faith.

Faith is not a religious term. It means trusting nature and your body. Who you really are is not the story you tell yourself.

Of course, this character-layer helps in some social contracts. And there is a place for stories. I love stories. This whole article is a story. Yet, who you are as a human being is always bigger than your self-talk. If this were wrong, how would change be possible?

How could you have made it from child to adult?

Regaining Basic Trust in Yourself

You have demonstrated a lot of trust already, or you would not be in this world. Trust is nothing you have to learn from scratch. It’s not a concept or fancy new idea.

I think that basic trust has to lead back into your body.

Trusting that your involuntary nervous system is keeping you alive and that your body can get over anger, hurt, shame, guilt, and fear if you allow it. Trust that you are part of this big thing called life and that you have a place in it and can ask for what you want.

This comes down to one basic realization:

No matter what happens, it’s just physical sensations in your body, mixed with some thoughts. Most of us scare ourselves in advance to not feel discomfort. But to develop faith in life, just remember that everything you can experience are simply thoughts and physical sensations.

As an experiment in experiencing basic trust, I recommend taking one small verbal risk today:

Maybe tell someone that you love them.

Or tell someone that you did not like something they did. Or talk to a stranger.

Or call your mom if that’s hard for you.

In the process, notice all the bodily sensations.

Notice the thoughts coming up. And don’t argue or fight them. Just notice.

See if you can stay in the space of noticing for a little bit.

If you accumulate enough small experiences of surviving discomfort, you will gradually develop greater faith in your body. You will be able to deal with whatever life brings your way.

You can get good at this, and it is never ending.

Let me know how your experiment is going. And, you can also work with me at one of my upcoming workshops or retreats listed below.

Love,
Marvin

Marvin Schulz started his Radical Honesty journey almost a decade ago and learned directly from Dr. Brad Blanton. He is now a Senior Certified Trainer, co-founder of the Radical Honesty Institute, and helps train the next generation of trainers.

Upcoming Workshops Led by Marvin:

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