Hey everyone, Lindsay here.

I’ve been wanting to write to you to tell you about the next round of the online series, Let’s Talk About Sex, that begins on May 13th, and I’ve been kinda stumped about what to write.

I tell myself I need to write something about sex, since that’s what the series is about, and then my next thought is, “What do I have that’s valuable to share about sex, in an open and honest way, when I’m not having any sex?”

Other than one time having sex several months ago, I haven’t had a romantic or sexual relationship in about 4 years.

“Why?”, you may ask.

I don’t really know.

I didn’t have a notably bad experience 4 years ago. I didn’t consciously decide to abstain for years. It’s not that my libido is shot or that I’m not interested in sex.

I just haven’t felt motivated or compelled to put effort into meeting anyone for a relationship, or for a hookup.

I’m sure there are all kinds of reasons and ways that I’ve managed to create this abstinence… I have thoughts like:

I’m a much happier and more confident person when I’m on my own and not sexually enamored with anyone.

Surely I’ll end up abandoning myself if I get wrapped up in a sexual/romantic relationship with someone. I suck at boundaries and I have codependent tendencies.

I rarely find anyone sexually attractive these days.

I rarely think of myself as sexually attractive these days. Am I too old to be sexy? To be found attractive?

If I do meet someone with whom I’d like to get sexy, will I communicate clearly about what I want and don’t want, or will I go along with things I’m not really interested in like I so often did in the past?

Do I have too many sexual issues I haven’t dealt with thoroughly enough to be able to have a healthy and satisfying sex life?

I could go on and on.

I do have thoughts like those above, that I think of as negative or pessimistic, and I ALSO have thoughts about all of the great sexual adventures I’ve had in the past.

Especially now, as I’m writing about those more negative thoughts, and admitting that I haven’t been having sex for years, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Now they’re going to think of you as uptight and pathetic… a sad, sexless person. Tell them about the wild experiences you’ve had! BE COOL.”

Ha!

There is a way I want to brag to anyone who will listen about the fun I’ve had, having sex with others. To impress you with my sexiness and wild side. To assure you that I’m cool, sexually 😎. Maybe still relevant, sexually? Whatever that means.

So, I suppose I want the world to know that I’m sexy and sexual, and also want the world to know that I’m in a period of going without sex. And both of those things can be true at the same time.

Why would I want you or the world to know these things about me? And why would anyone care?

Well, doing the last couple rounds of Let’s Talk About Sex, Tony Cuseo, my co-leader and I have found that most people seem to want to be seen and heard as the sexual beings they are. Whatever that means for them, in the moment. Whether they’re in a phase of insecurity and doubt, or feeling bold and wanting to brag, a lot of us simply want to TALK ABOUT SEX.

Some of us have past experiences we want to sort through with others, or want to hear someone else’s perspective on something we’re struggling with. Some of us want reassurance that our desires don’t make us perverted or monstrous. Some of us want to giddily share about what turns us on, what our kinks are, and see what sort of response we get from others. Some of us want to know we’re not alone in our experiences, whether we judge them to be good or bad, and to know that others can relate, in one way or another.

And I suppose that’s why I want you, the world, to know about what I’m sharing here. I want to relate—one sexual person to any other sexual person out there reading this.

And that’s also why I’m interested in co-leading a series about sex. To relate with others, and to create a space for others to come together and share, and be heard, however they show up as their own sexual being, in the moment.

There’s something so satisfying about that. And it can be healing, in ways. And there are so many “A-HA!” moments that can come from this sort of sharing and listening with others. So many unpredictable benefits that arise through honest relating, especially around topics like sex.

Benefits like understanding, acceptance, clarity, perspective shifts, inspiration, encouragement, insights, invigoration, growth, camaraderie seem to magically show up when we dare to share ourselves, our thoughts, our desires.

Can you imagine that for yourself? Is that appealing to you?

If you’d like to get together online with other folks who want to talk about sex, you are warmly invited. We’d love to have you join us, and show up exactly as you are, wherever/however you are in your sexual life.

We begin this next round of Let’s Talk About Sex on Saturday, May 13th, and we’ve decided to extend the Early Bird rate through this Sunday, April 16th so all of you reading this still have time to get in on the deal if you’d like to sign up:

Our live calls will occur on each Saturday from 12:00 noon - 2:30pm EDT (9:00-11:30am PDT / 6:00-8:30pm CEST) on May 13th, May 20th, May 27th & June 3rd.

I'm also offering a discounted workshop fee for our BIPOC, Trans, and disabled friends.

So I guess I figured out what to write after all! Sometimes I’ve just got to sit down and see what comes up. Thanks for reading!

Tony and I hope to welcome you to the online series in May.

Best Wishes,
Lindsay

P. S. Lindsay is also leading two in-person workshops soon and would love to have you join! See below for her upcoming workshops in the U.S.

Lindsay St. Antoine is an honesty coach and Radical Honesty Trainer in Denver, Colorado. In addition to providing one-on-one coaching, she also leads in-person and online Radical Honesty workshops.

Upcoming Workshops led by Lindsay:

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