Exploring Boundaries

 

Hi Friends, Tuulia here.

Boundaries…many people talk about them. “You crossed my boundary”“my boundary goes here” and more. What does that really mean?


What are boundaries?


For me a boundary is to recognize what I want and what I don’t want. It’s to be aware of what feels okay to me and what does not, and to verbalize that. It’s about saying ”no” when I feel like a ”no” and ”yes” when I feel like ”yes”.

And being aware when ”yes” turns into a ”should” or a ”no”.

Boundaries are related to ”big” and ”small” things. Things like, if I want to listen to the other person right now or not. Or do I want to be touched right now? And if yes, in what way do I want to be touched? What feels good for me now?

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What do you struggle with when recognizing and communicating boundaries?

  • What are you good at when it comes to verbalizing what’s okay with you and what’s not?

  • Are you able to say no after you earlier said yes?

  • What is key for you when you think about saying yes or no?


Let us know what is important to you, and watch this video where I talk more about boundaries and the steps you can take to have healthy boundaries:

Can I trust the other person to honor their boundaries?

Quite often I get questions like, “Can I trust that when they say yes they mean yes?”  What do I do when I have a feeling that they say yes to please me and don’t actually really want it?

This is a tricky one.

On one hand, you want to make sure they really check in whether it’s a yes or a no. And on the other hand, you want to trust that adults are able to know what they want without you insisting.

For me, there’s also an angle that when I have been doing work with myself and I am aware of what I want and don’t want, I am in a place of supporting the other who has not maybe done as much work around this topic.

In this video, I talk about this exact dilemma.

You might also be interested in watching this video about how to deal with people who don’t express their feelings and boundaries:

Love,
Tuulia (& Pete)
 

Tuulia Syvänen is a Senior Certified Radical Honesty Trainer from Finland and a co-founder of the Radical Honesty Institute. Tuulia organizes and co-leads workshops around Europe with her husband, Pete, as well as coaching and sessions for companies.

Want more practice working with your own and others' boundaries?

Come join a live, in-person Radical Honesty workshop in a city near you!


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