Hi everyone, Lindsay here.

We’ve done the first round of Let’s Talk About Sex online series and it wasn’t what I imagined it would be! IT WAS BETTER.

I don’t think I was alone in imagining that our sessions would be kinda spicy and exciting, and probably a bit light and fun. And while there was space for spiciness and fun, I think we ended up going deeper than expected.

It turns out (not surprisingly) that most of us have a lot to get off our chests and to air out about our sexuality before we can honestly and openly give ourselves to lightheartedness and play in the realm of sex. When it comes to talking about it, and doing it.

So while I, and others, found the sessions really stimulating (and I LOVED them), they weren’t super sexy, for the most part! I’d say our group time together was challenging, eye-opening, moving, and super supportive… with moments of fun and sexiness!

I think a lot of us like the idea of diving in and having provocative conversations about sex and the adventures we’ve had or want to have. Many of us want to know ourselves as sexual, sexy, desirable, open, daring, and competent, with a big sexual appetite and plenty of opportunities to satisfy and be satisfied, and we want others to see us in those ways as well.

There’s something so COOL about people who appear to be sexually liberated, confident, and expressive. Right?

So much so that I imagine many of us try on a performance of sexual confidence and ease, because that’s who we want to be! Sexy, bold, smooth, desirable… even envied for our sex lives.

But many of us never get beyond the performance, because we’ve got so much baggage around sex… and it’s generally not much of a turn-on to talk about our baggage, so we keep up the pretense of a light and fun-loving sexual person, because sex is supposed to be fun and SEXY, right?

Well, what if more sexual ease, aliveness, and fun is available to us, and it’s not about “fake it ‘til you make it”, following a pick-up-artist’s advice, or learning the 5 best tips for giving a blow job?

What if it’s about lightening the load of our baggage, rather than pretending it’s not there?

I believe that we can lighten our loads and free ourselves up from our sexual histories, and from anything new that comes up, over and over again, endlessly, throughout our lives, and that it is possible to create the sexual lives of our dreams.

But it takes courage and PRACTICE.

It takes YOU being willing to be real with yourself, to open up and talk about things you’ve maybe never said out loud before, with your sexual partners… or maybe beginning with a group of strangers online where the stakes feel lower! 😉

Is anything here resonating for you? Are you imagining ways that you could free yourself up?

Here are some things to consider:

Do you want to experiment with relieving yourself of shame and embarrassment in the sexual realm?
Would you like to air out some thoughts you’ve been holding onto around your sexuality and sexual self expression? Maybe you’re excited about something you’ve discovered about yourself or are now allowing yourself, and you want to practice sharing it out loud for the first time?
Can you imagine the benefits you might uncover by sharing about your pretenses and the roles you play (maybe begrudgingly) in your sex life?
Is there some potential for you in your sexual growth and creativity if you became more aware of your learned, engrained, and automatic ways of being and performing in sex?
What could shift in your sex life if you brought to the surface, got a deeper understanding of, and shared about all the unexamined shoulds and unspoken expectations you have for yourself and others around sex?

Now that we’ve done our first round of Let’s Talk About Sex with a few brave and warm folks, I’m happy to report that I imagine this series is a GREAT and supportive space for you to join if you want to explore anything offered above, or anything else that’s showing up as stifling, limiting, shameful, or simply unspoken in your sexuality.

If you’d like to begin to lighten your load and free yourself up for more sexual fun and exploration, and to gain confidence in who you are as a sexual being, our next round of Let’s Talk About Sex could be a great fit for you!

We begin next week, on Saturday, February 18th, and the rest of the sessions are Saturdays, February 25th, March 11th and 18th at 12pm EST / 6pm CET.

Tony and I would truly LOVE to warmly welcome you to the new group and stick with you through your exploration and sharing. Learn more and sign up here:

In the meantime, here are a few things you can experiment with if you’re feeling inspired and eager to get started:

1. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT YOUR DESIRES.

Are there sexual desires that you have that you avoid letting yourself think about too much? Could you give yourself permission to spend a little bit of time (even just 5 minutes) really exploring those thoughts, and feeling whatever feelings come up for you around that desire?

You could write down what comes up for you. Write about your fears. What is scary about having this desire? What do you imagine it means about you? What could be fun and satisfying about exploring these particular desires more?

2. BEGIN TO OPEN UP WITH YOUR SEXUAL PARTNER/S and/or FRIENDS. (Baby steps are great!)

If you’ve got a trusted sexual partner/partners and you’d like to open up with them about your sex life, or about your sexuality in general, try telling them that you’d like to do that. You can just start there! A great first step is simply letting someone know that you’re wanting to experiment with being more honest, and then tell them how you’re feeling in the moment of talking with them.

Try saying, “I want to open up with you about my sexual desires/questions/doubts and I’m feeling really nervous/excited/scared bringing it up with you right now.” See what comes up for you!

If you’re single (like me!) you could also check in with a friend or two and ask if they’re willing to be with you in a conversation around sexuality. And then you can also share about any embarrassment and awkwardness that might arise if you don’t generally talk with your friends about sex!

3. SAY WHAT YOU WANT AND REQUEST IT.

If you’re already in a place of feeling pretty comfortable with your own desires but you’re worried about sharing them, you could start with #2 and then follow up by telling your partner/s that you’d like to try out getting specific about your desires, and specific about things you fantasize about doing with them, and that you’d like to practice hearing honest YESs and NOs from them when you make requests… and share about any fears, embarrassment, etc that come up for you throughout the conversation.

This is all easier said than done, but having a vulnerable conversation about all of this, taking your time with it, sharing about what comes up for you in the moment, and inviting your partner/s to do the same can, and likely will, open up lots of doors for you in your relationship/s and in your sex life, leading to deeper intimacy, spiciness, tenderness, confidence, and fun!

If this all sounds appealing to you, and maybe a little scary too, we’d love to support you in your exploration in the Let’s Talk About Sex series.

Sign up now, if you’re ready, or reach out if you’ve got any questions!

I’d also LOVE to see you at an upcoming in-person workshop in Denver or Seattle! There still aren’t many workshops happening in the U.S., so if you’ve been considering jumping in, I encourage you to take the leap now! Our Weekend in Denver is coming up this March 3-5:

And I'm excited for our first Radical Honesty Weekend Workshop in Seattle since 2008! I'll be leading this with Tony as well, so if you join our Let's Talk About Sex series and want to work with us in person, here is your chance—and the Early Bird Price ends this Wednesday, February 15th:

Love,
Lindsay

Lindsay St. Antoine is an honesty coach and Radical Honesty Trainer in Denver, Colorado. In addition to providing one-on-one coaching, she also leads in-person and online Radical Honesty workshops.

Upcoming Workshops led by Lindsay:

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