Hi friends, Marvin here.

When I was in my twenties, I practiced Pick-Up quite intensely. That’s getting out of your comfort zone and learning how to be better with women. This ultimately led to me getting my life together, cleaning up my past, and being honest. Here is my story...

I remember one particular summer, it must have been 2014. Me and my friend Martin created what we called The List of Social Destruction. It contained twenty-five or thirty tasks which we committed to doing. I don’t remember all of them. But I do remember some:

Walking down the street with women's underwear over our face

Begging for money until we had 5 Euros (which we then gave to homeless people)

Hitting on a male shop attendant

Laying on the floor in a mall for 30 seconds (The Tim Ferriss classic)

Asking a women directly for sex

We did all of it over a month. It was a nice tingling boost of confidence each time.

Unfortunately, that confidence did not last very long.

The high faded and I found myself with the same insecurities and patterns.

Looking back, I now see why.

You don’t have to create discomfort on purpose

There were a lot of actual things I was avoiding in my life. Things I was deeply scared of or horrified by but had to look at.

And I think I co-created that list to distract myself from what I was actually scared of and instead made scaring myself on purpose a pseudo-courageous sport.

Here is what I mean by that:

At that time, I knew I had to stand up to my parents. I knew I had to tell my exes that I cheated on them. I knew I had to come clean about stealing at work. I knew I had to figure out what I actually want to do with my life (the scariest thing of all) and be more honest, daily.

Creating arbitrary things to scare myself did not fix any of that.

Maybe it helped a little to see that truth and get clear on the real work ahead.

Fear points towards the path

My good friend and teacher Dr. Brad Blanton often told me:

“Sometimes you need to do what you are scared of in order to get the power to do what you actually want to do. Avoiding difficult things will cost you energy and life.”

Over the last decade, I learned to use fear as a compass.

Where there is a lot of fear, there is also a lot of love. Or a lot to reclaim in terms of aliveness, vitality, and power to act.

Fear inevitably points at the work ahead. If your heart pounds when you think about saying something or talking to someone, that’s the way to go.

One of the scariest things for most people is to have honest conversations.

But that’s where the gold is:

Bottled-up emotions block us from interacting presently with other human beings and keep us in re-creating the past.

What conversations are you avoiding?

Here’s a little suggestion for the New Year.

Instead of pushing forward and learning new things and booking ten workshops, pause and really listen to your inner voice:

What are the conversations you know deep-down you would benefit from having?

What things are you avoiding and circling around by being busy or having fun?

Listen to your rationalizations of why it’s not important or can’t be done.

“Yeah, but I don’t need that person in my life. I don’t want to close to them. Yeah but she is an energy vampire. Yeah, but in this case it can’t be done. My mom would get a heart attack. Yeah, but they should contact me first. Yeah, but I tried so much. Yeah, but I don’t want to hurt them.”

That’s all symptoms of fear.

And the bigger the fear, the more certain we can be that there is something to gain on the other side.

When we face it, we step into the zone of heightened presence and power. We go into the unknown. And very likely, we will emerge from there with a new boon or blessing for our life.*

We could call it true power, integrity, or love.

Happy New Year.

*This paragraph was inspired by Joseph Campbell’s writings on the Hero's Journey, which we often incorporate into our Radical Honesty 8-Day Intensive Workshops.

I'll be leading the next 8-Day Intensive auf Deutsch in Northern Germany on February 10-18 with fellow trainer Michael Kreuzwieser, and there's only one spot left. Is it for you?

Once you take the plunge and start a conversation with someone you've been avoiding, then you are already on your way to a life of truth-telling. Now is the time for you to join us for a Radical Honesty workshop or retreat to get clear on the real work you have ahead.

If you've never been to a workshop before, our Summer Retreat on Lake Orta in Italy this July 1-7 will be a great place to begin. You'll explore how much aliveness is hidden in you, how holding back costs you the love and connection you crave, and you will get to experience yourself and others in totally new ways. Early Bird price until March 31:

If you have been to a previous Radical Honesty workshop and you're craving more practice and connection, then join me and Jura Glo this March 1-5 for our Advanced Winter Retreat in Berlin-Strausberg!

We'll co-create an experimental space where you can show more of yourself and revise auto-piloted communication habits that no longer serve you. We will support you in taking more risks in expressing yourself freely, being more vulnerable, and connecting with others in ways you forgot or didn't know were possible.

Our workshop alumni claim that they have gotten over long-held resentment, felt less ashamed for their wants and thoughts, released bottled-up sadness, and grew in power as the conscious creators of their lives.

Ready to join us? Sign up here:

Love,
Marvin

Marvin Schulz started his Radical Honesty journey almost a decade ago and learned directly from Dr. Brad Blanton. He is now a Senior Certified Trainer, co-founder of the Radical Honesty Institute, and helps train the next generation of trainers.

Upcoming Workshops & Retreats led by Marvin:

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