Hey everybody, Lindsay here.

There’s a hope or expectation that many of us have when we finally open up about something and spill the beans. We like to think that since we’ve come out and told the truth about something challenging and uncomfortable, "THAT’S IT! I’VE SAID THE THING! I WON’T HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN!"

But like I’ve said before, sharing honestly with someone is not usually a “one and done” exercise.

If we’re hoping for relief from the suffering of withholding the truth, of ongoingly upholding pretenses, or of keeping lies, then we stand to benefit the most from taking on honest sharing as a regular practice.

Admitted to your Dad that you don’t like how he talks about your boyfriend?

There’s a good chance this will come up again, and you’ll feel angry again, and you’ll get some relief by talking about it AGAIN and clearing things out when they come up.

Confessed to your friend that you’ve always had a crush on them and have been suffering with your feelings of attraction for years?

Regardless how they respond, it’s likely you’ve got a lot to unload after years of withholding your crush, and you’ll both potentially benefit from more than one conversation.

Told your coworker that you’ve been doubting yourself at work and worrying that you’re not as qualified as the others on your team?

Sometimes sharing in this way can lead to things seeming worse, before they seem better. It can help significantly to check back in and have another conversation about what’s come up since the first time you spoke, and maybe additional conversations to work on creating some solutions, as well.

Can you imagine how committing to ongoing honest communication in your life could be more beneficial than a one time honesty unload?

What if you reveal the things you feel insecure about, or fear you might be judged for, to another person? What if you did that in your closest relationships, regularly, whenever the insecurities and fears take center stage?

ONGOING HONESTY ABOUT INSECURITIES

In my own experience, when it comes to being honest about insecurities I have with my physical appearance, I’ve learned that with each new person who sees me naked, I feel a need to share about those insecurities in order to be able to lighten up on them, take them less seriously, and be more present in those experiences of being naked and doing whatever I’m doing.

So even though I’ve opened up about those very insecurities in the past, with other people, they still usually show up for me with new people (though with far less power than they did in the past)—they haven’t magically disappeared because I was vulnerably honest about them once, a few years ago. It’s an ongoing practice, with varying outcomes, but one that more often than not leads to greater comfort, ease, and confidence.

For instance, I have really small breasts (compared to what we typically see in media), and I generally don’t shave my body hair, and I sometimes imagine that I need to either “warn” people of these things before they see me naked, or acknowledge that these things are out of the ordinary (for most people) once we’re naked together. These aren’t things I’m generally insecure about when on my own, but they do definitely come up for me when I’m under the gaze of others.

I don’t like that I sometimes feel the need to discuss my physical appearance with sexual partners in a way that is almost apologetic, or at least conveying the understanding that the way I look isn’t for everyone, like, “I understand if you’re not into this…” And still, in this world when/where we were raised, for myriad reasons, I do sometimes feel that need to discuss my appearance, and I actually do love the resulting conversations, for the most part.

Open, honest, vulnerable conversations have come out of my sharing (and I’ve been able to pretty quickly weed out folks who don’t appreciate these things about me).

After I share my thoughts about these things, or about any appearance insecurities, people have almost always opened up and shared about theirs. Concerns about height, penis size/shape, back hair, acne, butt cellulite, uneven breast size, belly squishiness, moles, etc.

I don’t know anybody who doesn’t have some insecurities about their looks. And I haven’t spoken with anyone about those insecurities who hasn’t felt relief, camaraderie, connection, and even some self compassion after our conversations.

Sometimes saying things out loud to another human being—things that we’ve kept secret, felt too much shame or embarrassment to share—can be such a healing balm. No solutions discussed, no changes made or goals set, just vulnerable sharing about tender things that we usually keep to ourselves.

There is often so much sweetness, intimacy, and bonding available to us through honest sharing. And for many of us, this kind of honesty can take practice. Anybody can do it, right now, if you want to! And/or you can also get support developing your “honesty muscles” through experimentation with an honesty coach (like me!) or with a group of people who are also interested in practicing.

(NOT) NAKED WORK: ONLINE SERIES

I’ve got an opportunity for honesty practice coming up, specifically about physical appearance insecurities, and if that’s something you’re grappling with and can see the possibility of getting some relief through sharing your experience, I’d love to welcome you to the (NOT) Naked Work online series that’s beginning on Saturday, September 2nd.

The series sessions take place over 4 consecutive Saturdays, September 2nd - 23rd, at 9-11:30 am PDT / 12-2:30 pm EDT / 6-8:30 pm CEST.

To try on for yourself whether you might benefit from participating, answer the following questions and see if you’re compelled:

What’s your relationship like with your physical being?
How do you feel about your body? Your face? Your hair?
What do you experience when you look in the mirror?
What comes up for you when you’re naked in front of another person?
Do you notice any sensations arise in your body when considering these questions?
Have you ever talked with anybody about these things?

If you read about the series and think you might like to join but you’re not sure, and you’ve got questions, feel free to send me a message at takerootcoach@gmail.com.

If you’d like to see how you might benefit from talking with others about your and their insecurities and this series sounds right up your alley AND you’re ready to sign up, you can do that here.

Sign up TODAY and get the Early Bird rate that ended 8/14!

Use discount code EARLYBIRD50.

I hope to see you online in September!

Thanks for reading!
Lindsay

Lindsay St. Antoine is an honesty coach and Radical Honesty Trainer in Denver, Colorado. In addition to providing one-on-one coaching, she also leads in-person and online Radical Honesty workshops.

Upcoming Workshops led by Lindsay:

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