What have I gotten out of practicing honesty?
Hey everyone, Lindsay here.
I had a free consultation with a prospective new coaching client yesterday and at the end of our conversation he asked me what I’ve personally gotten out of practicing Radical Honesty.
I don’t have a stock answer for the question, and when people ask it, my first thoughts tend to be, “What have I gotten? Have I gotten much?” After giving some thought each time, I end up remembering how much I’ve really “gotten” and created for myself, and then it’s kinda laughable that I sometimes question if I’ve benefited much from being more honest in my life.
Partly, I forget or don’t notice, or don’t keep track of what I’ve gotten out of practicing Radical Honesty because it’s just such an integral part of how I be in the world now, and in my relationships. Which is actually pretty surprising and miraculous, considering my past of low self esteem, repressed emotions, passive aggression, major anxiety, shame and rigidity around sex, compulsive habits, and unhealthy relationships.
Ha! Wow. Every part of my life is different. My experience of life is different. I imagine I have a much higher capacity for satisfaction, contentment, joy, pleasure, gratitude, and spontaneity, and I experience these things much more frequently and fully. And I’m much more confident, strong, and resilient in experiences of hurt, anger, embarrassment, etc.
If YOU’re interested in considering how YOU might benefit from being more honest in your life, here are a few examples I shared with my prospective coaching client, and a couple more things I’m adding here, for you, in case you might be inspired to try...
My friend, Tara, and I have developed a much deeper, more trusting, secure and solid friendship, with the ability to get through and over any conflicts that have arisen. We’re committed to getting into the muck together, and when anger or other big emotions come up for either of us, we almost always share about that in the moment and go through it together, right then, rather than avoiding and hiding what’s actually happening for us. Whenever we don’t take it on right in the moment, we always come back around to it and clean it up then.
We express our genuine love, admiration, and appreciation for each other, freely, every time we talk, which is now so much more organically felt and accessible because we have tools to quickly process (a.k.a feel and express) and get over our upsets with each other.
I have a much more appreciative and loving relationship with my mom. I’ve gone from being, at times, quite contentious, judgmental, and critical with my mom—in mostly indirect and passive aggressive ways— to feeling so much warmth and gratitude for her, and being able to share and talk about anything, including anything from my past and our past ways of relating with each other.
I had a challenging and long avoided conversation with my brother that nobody else has been able/willing to have with him. I felt uncomfortable and awkward, and he said he did too, but we came out the other side a little lighter, with something off our chests, and less power and shame wrapped up in an “untouchable” topic. I also left the conversation with reassurance that my brother and I can talk about hard things when we need to, and I felt a lot of gratitude for him and his willingness to talk with me.
I am in the healthiest, most joyful, fun, satisfying, and nourishing romantic relationship of my life. This is in large part because my years of vulnerability, openness, and honesty leading up to meeting my partner—especially regarding my fears and desires—created so much growth and space for something I’ve never been ready to experience before.
We started our relationship sharing challenging truths about ourselves, talked about our fears, misgivings, and hopes, and, in so doing, set the stage for ever-growing trust, connection, stability, security, and intimacy.
I truly didn’t know if I was capable of this or if it would ever happen!
Over time and with practice, I’ve become much more willing & confident around having conversations about uncomfortable things that cause me anxiety and stress. I’ve learned that I can relieve my anxiety by having the challenging conversation and admitting my tension, awkwardness, hesitation, guilty feelings, resistance, etc. with the person involved.
Even when the conversation doesn’t go just how I’d hoped, even if there isn’t always a clear resolution, and even if the person ends up mad at me, I consistently find lightness and relief through getting things off my chest.
I’ve had many opportunities to survive the experience of sharing myself, admitting embarrassing or shameful things, revealing my true thoughts and desires, and because of those experiences, I have become much more tuned into what I like, what I want, where my boundaries lie, what I’m opposed to, etc.
Now, by talking openly about these things, I end up with a lot more of what brings me joy in life. More love, more affection, more fun and sweet sex, more connection in all of my important relationships, and a lot more ease and fun.
And overall I’m much more expressive, confident, fun-loving, relaxed, and boldly myself than ever before.
Radical Honesty Weekend workshop group in Seattle with Lindsay St. Antoine & Tony Cuseo
So, those are some things that I’ve “gotten” or created for myself, with others, through practicing Radical Honesty and being committed to authentic self expression!
With all of that said, you might be surprised to read that, lately, during my workshops and online sessions, I’ve found myself saying some version of, “I’m not attached to Radical Honesty as THE modality to follow, and don’t find it important that YOU buy into this idea of Radical Honesty at all.”
What I mean is, however you come to take action to be more open and honest, more self expressed, and more authentically you, is awesome. And my aim is to support you in doing that and encourage you along the way.
When it comes to Radical Honesty, specifically, I encourage everyone to practice and integrate what suits and serves you, and leave the rest… and maybe come back for more later, when you’re ready. There’s not just one way to be radically honest in your life. My hope for you is that you’ll take the risk to share more of yourself, reveal what’s really true for you, boldly express your in-the-moment emotions, thoughts, and desires, and feel more and more free to do those things, and build more and more confidence in this way of living and being you, over time, through experience.
The more we dare to share ourselves in these ways and to realize we’ve survived it—we’ve lived through sharing the scary, challenging, or embarrassing truth—the more confident we become, and emboldened to continue showing our genuine selves.
I don’t imagine that the practice of Radical Honesty is for everyone. It can be hard and messy, can take a lot of effort and time, and being more honest can sometimes even lead to the end of relationships.
But, for a lot of people, participation in a Radical Honesty workshop—learning the core principles and doing the foundational exercises—along with ongoing practice with honesty and self expression, has been positively life changing.
This kind of living can be a stimulating, relieving, satisfying, joy-generating, and freeing way to be in the world.
And if that sounds good to you, then I hope you’ll take the risk for yourself.
I’d love for you to take part in any of my upcoming offerings, or to check in with me about honesty coaching.
Here’s what I’ve got coming up:
Radical Honesty Weekend Workshop : Relationship Edition : Denver
July 13 & 14
Let’s Talk About Sex : A Radically Honest Online Series
July 20 - September 21
Radical Honesty Weekend Workshop : Denver
August 3 & 4 (Early Bird ends June 20)
Lindsay St. Antoine is an honesty coach and Radical Honesty Trainer in Denver, Colorado. In addition to providing one-on-one coaching, she also leads in-person and online Radical Honesty workshops.
Upcoming Workshops led by Lindsay:
