Let’s Do It Kitty-Style
Hi everyone, Tony here.
For the past three and a half months, I have been fostering a family of cats. On June 3rd, a feral mother and her five, one-week-old kittens showed up at my door.
And as of this week, all of them are in their new homes.
As I am grieving their absence and reflecting on our time together, I want to share some lessons these little felines taught me, while simultaneously attempting to promote the Let’s Talk About Sex series Lindsay and I are leading next month.
Speaking of sex, I haven’t been having much. I haven’t felt all that interested, to be blunt. The cats have been my world for the past quarter of a year and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
For me, these kittens are the best show in town. Watching them explore my little 500-square-foot condo has been one of my greatest joys. And, it’s actually what I came here to talk to you about.
As the kittens got older, I began to worry they would get bored. Relegated to my living room, which is about 13 feet wide and 20 feet long, I thought they would long for more space and more toys. I was wrong.
Cats are known for being curious, of course, but I was in wonder over how they endlessly explored their modest turf. For months they were contained between the same four walls, but never once did they seem fed up with it. Instead, they ventured into every nook and cranny and found new and creative ways to interact with their environment.
There are many obvious parallels here when it comes to sex and eroticism — boredom, toys, nooks and crannies, and so on. I’m not here to tell you to buy more vibrators, or whips and chains, or explore new orifices (though all of that sounds fun too). I am, however, here to advocate for a spirit of curiosity and play.
Like anything else, I think curiosity is developed through practice. And the practice I propose you try on is looking through the lens of a question: “What if?”
Some examples from the cats might look like this:
“What if instead of clawing at the scratching post the way I’ve been doing for the last month, I climbed it and stood on the tiny area at the top?”
“What if instead of lapping up water from the bowl with my tongue the way I’ve always done, I dip my paw in there and lick the water off of it?”
And my personal favorite: “What if instead of having the litter confined to the litter box, we spread it evenly throughout the apartment?”
If for whatever reason those don’t seem directly applicable to your sex life, here are a few more human-style curiosities:
“What if we set a timer and for the first 20 minutes, neither of us are allowed to touch the other’s genitals?”
“What if I masturbated without touching myself at all? What would that even mean? What would that look like?”
“What if I signed up for this LTAS course that started in a few weeks because whoever is writing this blog sounds really smart and knowledgeable?” (Only kidding)
If I could choose just one quality for myself, one way of showing up in the world, it would be curiosity. I value it more than strength, confidence, perseverance, or any other so-called virtue.
I believe curiosity is not only the key to an engaging and thrilling sex life, but also a fun and meaningful life, life.
Feel free to bring the couple of genuine curiosities I named above (before the dumb joke) into your world/bedroom. They are both things I have wondered about, explored, and gotten a lot out of.
If you’re still feeling a bit stuck and want your creativity lubed up a bit, or you’d like to practice some collective curiosity, join Lindsay and me for the next round of Let’s Talk About Sex with calls on October 19th, and November 2nd, 16th, and 30th:
https://www.radicalhonesty.com/events/lets-talk-about-sex-series-oct-nov-2024
Finally, thank you to Evie, Bodhi, Boone, Chili, Leo, and Davey for being my teachers, and for bringing me so much more than I bargained for. I love you and I miss you.
-Tony
Tony Cuseo is a Radical Honesty Trainer Candidate who co-leads workshops and practice groups. He also holds certifications in Embodied Counseling and Sexological Bodywork. Tony is passionate about creating art, music, and love.
Upcoming Workshops Co-led by Tony:
