Radical Honesty at Work
It was a Saturday; a cold Saturday in January.
Hello, Marvin here.
My friends from Munich took me for a day-hike up the snow-covered mountains of Bavaria. We had a good time, talked and joked. I took out my phone. A message from my boss at the time.
I stripped off my gloves, unlocked the screen…
Marvin, I need you to check your emails now. You have to do this urgent thing for me.
I tensed up. My breathing was shallow. My legs stiffened.
My thought-computer began to work: “I will quit first thing on Monday!”
A Brief History of my Work
Back in the days before Radical Honesty, I worked for different companies. Always in offices. I drank coffee, sat on my arse, and smiled. I did little work. I surfed the internet. I knew how to manipulate my surroundings. They thought I was great, an adult version of being a “good boy” – pretty much one of the worst things you can be.
I said “Yes” when I meant “No”.
I said “How are you doing?” when I meant “I feel terrible”.
I said “Thank you in advance” when I meant “fuck you a thousand times.”
I never lasted too long in any job. I always quit. And lied about my reasons.
When I had built up too much resentment, inhibited my expression for too long, I searched for the next best thing. Maybe a different country? Yes. I went to New York. South Africa. Back to New York. More lying. Withholding. Pretending. Maybe marketing instead of sales?
So I slimed around the world, dragging a stack of unfinished business behind me.
But this was different. The above happened after I learned about Radical Honesty.
An example of Radical Honesty at Work
And so I went to work on Monday. Of course, I knew that quitting would be avoiding. There was a growth opportunity there. Every time you are frustrated, hit an impasse, there is a potential for real growth if you are willing to go into the discomfort of the unknown.
I pussyfooted around my boss. Then, after two hours of build-up, I asked him for a talk.
We kicked it off with some casual banter.
I felt my heart rate increase. My hands tingled. My legs felt tensed up. I avoided direct eye contact. My heart hammered even faster. Knowing I am about to rock the boat never fails to give me some cheap thrills.
Finally, I took a deep breath:
Me: “I have one more thing I want to tell you, and I’m scared to do so.”
Him: “What’s that?”
Me: “I am angry at you for writing to me on Saturday about that work. I don’t want to work on Saturdays.”
He smiled, nodded his head and his eyes lit up
Him: “Yeah, I am really sorry about that. I never wanted to be that guy asking people to do any work on the weekend. I hate it myself. And you were the only one speaking German.”
Me: “I appreciate you for saying that you are sorry and that you never wanted to be that guy”.
I don’t remember what happened after… But we ended like this:
Him: “Thank you for telling me this! That’s why I never want you to stop working with me. You are one of the few people I can trust to tell me their truth.”
Before the talk, I thought I would quit or be fired. After the talk, we became better friends. He even offered that I was welcome to stay at his holiday home sometimes, helped me find freelance work.
You can be Honest at Work
In fact, I think you owe it to yourself.
Usually, fear is the gatekeeper to the unknown. And bosses represent parents, grandparents, teachers… it’s sort of an extension of your family dynamics. Large corporations, especially, are gigantic patriarchal dysfunctional families, characterized by people’s avoidance to really grow up in their power.
Radical Honesty is possible at work.
Likely, you will be better off than before.
“If you are fired for showing your real self, congratulations! What the hell are you doing there in the first place? If you break through an impasse and grow in your expression while staying there, also great. You might get a raise soon.”
Either way, lying and playing fake roles never served anybody in the long-run. You waste your own inner resources and genius and also waste the company’s.
If you are scared, start small. That’s okay. But start somewhere. Start with friends.
Come to a Radical Honesty meetup. Or come to a workshop.
You don’t serve yourself – or anyone, really – by playing small.
-Marvin Schulz
Marvin Schulz is a Radical Honesty Trainer living in Prague. Read more about Marvin here, and check out all of his upcoming workshops below.
